On paper (want)

I want to write you a letter

Tell you all my thoughts

And finally pose these questions,unsettled and running through my mind

Tell you that I’m coming to terms with the heartache

And I’m slowly embracing these long lone nights

Harboured with creeping nightmares of all those times I almost told you I loved you

And for those times I actually did but in shallow,vague and friendly terms

I wanna ask why it suddenly became strained,

Understand why you left

Did my naiveness chase you away or was it a perfectly pound on choice

I want to know

But the farthest I can go is to want to write

So here is to my want

YOU

You broke me,only because you were broken.

You tore me apart,just because you already were fragments of life floating away.

Brought me down,because you struggled with your place at the bottom of the pit.

And now I’m healing,not because these open wounds hurt

I’m gathering strength,not to escape your toxic grasp

But because I need to

As my journey of reconstruction begins

I worry,

I worry that you’ll never realise that you need healing

And you won’t know that you’re the only relief you needed

That you’ll always be in debt to yourself.

Only You

Love,vickie

Escape

Escape to my land of affection

Where you are more than the one tattooed on my mind and glued to my skin

Where those new days bring new hope,new chances and new free

To make my dreams reality and my hopes actualised

And each night,pillow talk all my fears

Drowning deep into desire,passion and most important ……you

So help me find a way

Take me away,to where I matter most

Take me away,to my escape

Xoxo,The seventh Emerald

The seventh Emerald in 2021

Hello loves,I hope you all are ok and full of love and life.Is it ok if I still say Happy new year to all of you (lol I’m still young 😂)

I’m sorry for the silence I’m still taking time to savour the new year and enjoy these youthful days of the year but I’m back.Big gratitude to everyone who reached out and here we are,better.

Well,if I’m being honest if there is one thing that last year taught me is that;tomorrow is unpromised and you should enjoy and live in the moment as much as possible but here I am with a big ass title about the new year.

Might we overlook the contradiction,this should be the year you chase those dreams that might have been diverted by a million and one reasons,and that’s exactly what I am going to do.

The seventh Emerald is daring to be bold this year.And that is what I wish for all of you …..to be bold.Bold enough to chase that that was lost,snatched from us and that that escaped from our grasp.

Be bold

Love,vickie

LIVING FOR YOURSELF

Yesterday my friend asked “on the flip side,do y’all believe we are the manifestation of all the secrets the generation before us swept under the rag”

I would very much like to put up a debate concerning that but first hope you don’t mind another question “do you think you are being you for you or you are being a doppelganger for others” and please don’t narrow down the options of these ‘others’.

Not once nor twice have I heard that my generation is a lost generation and a generation that lacks identity.Have you ever asked yourself that the reason least mentioned on why we lack identity is because we were brought into a world where the society and older generations have certain expectations on how we are supposed to act and how we are supposed to behave,how we are supposed to generally ‘live’ our lives.

This is my opinion and please (pretty please) don’t come for my throat;the only reason our generation lacks identity is because we have something called ‘exploration’ and because of this we have discovered that there is more to what the eye can see.This might have been called ‘rebellion’ or ‘defiance’ but truth being told it’s simply and merely stepping out of the societal comfort zones.

The easiest truth in this context is that ‘you should live your life’ but they can craft a lie out of “this ain’t your life sis/bro you have some people to represent an image to hold uphold naahwhatimsayin (know what i’m saying)”

On a debating or conversant note do you think we are a manifestation of secrets/expectations/obligations/dictatorship of the generations before us swept under the rag/polished to fabrication expectations? (Ignore the slashes lol) Tell me what you think.

Love,Vickie

Photo by Tim Gouw on Pexels.com

MY WRITING JOURNEY.

Over the course of time I have received questions on why I write,when did I start writing and what inspired me and so the list goes on.So here I am to share a little about that.

The earliest memory of have of myself writing has to be when I was in primary school,I had a friend called Naomi who used to write and we could exchange notebooks on the weekends.Then I used to write just to feel good and satisfaction in some time of way and I still could have those notebooks and I will keep them for they remind me of a young,ambitious soul that was just living in the moment.

Then came high school,I must say this was the climax of my teenage-hood.Whenever I would write,I would write to keep my emotions and mental health in check.One of my friend asked why I didn’t record those high school events and honestly I don’t have an answer to that but I sure do know a couple of people who share their high school events an I think it’s better when I read others stories.

It was when I was in high school that the idea of blogging hit me.I wanted a safe space for myself and a platform where I could write and maybe inspire one or two people and also create a safe and relatable space for others.I finally was brave enough to establish this space but not enough courage to publish my written works on the site,one way or another they ended up as drafts.

When I cleared high school,I had a chance to reminisce on my dreams and I finally had the courage to share these pieces of my thoughts and feelings with you guys.

I wouldn’t really pin-point my exact source of inspiration for each and every of my articles but I would say I write to connect with a part of myself that I couldn’t connect with any other way.I also write to maybe speak for other people and hence making my articles relatable.

My highlight in blogging and writing has to be when I get response and engagement on my articles,I feel some type of way that I can’t really put down in two words when that happens.

Finally,where do I see myself in future with my writing and blogging?Well,I have of those but all I can say now is that I would like to broaden my reach and widen my engagement.

I would love to thank each and everyone of you for the support in anyway this far,my journey may have not been the longest but i’m grateful.

I love y’all,Vickie,The Seventh Emerald.

Photo by RF._.studio on Pexels.com

MY HERO

On this day,October 20th my country honors those that took the fore front in fighting for our freedom from the British and the list of these heroes is endless.I join my country in celebrating our national heroes and my personal heroes too,my parents,grandparents,relatives and my mentors.Not forgetting a couple of friends and family celebrating their birthdays today.

This time and on this post I want to celebrate and recognize my greatest hero.This person has been to what she describes as the darkest and lowest point in her life but she been able to pick herself up and is well on her way to the top.She has smiled and held her face up high in those moments of doubt and insecurity;and this person is non other than myself,Vickie.

Life up to where I am has quite been a journey of ups and down ,tears and laughs,love and hate and in looking back I might not have an all flawless memory of the past but here I am attempting to make a better day today,tomorrow till the end of time.

I might not have been the best,I might not have been all unicorn and strawberry sprinkles because of too much bitterness and self negativity but the courage to embrace the past and work toward a better tomorrow has to be the peak of admirability for the day.

So on this day I choose to celebrate my story;the struggles,the journey and the anticipation and I assure you that this step has me grateful and all smiles.

And you should also take a moment to appreciate yourself for the little and least things.Take a moment to be your own hero.

Happy heroes day my country people.

LOVE,Vickie.

Photo by Jackson David on Pexels.com

REKINDLING DREAMS.

I recently went through my high school journals but instead of establishing a certain form of connection with my thoughts and feelings then I felt lost and foreign in my own mind.Those books just reminded me of how much a dreamer and achiever I was and in no way could I imagine myself feeling out of touch with my dreams and ambitions.

As much as I would love to fuel myself and start chasing those dreams once more,I feel a gap and an emptiness that time is up and that the world is not what I perceived it to be,you know?

Don’t get me wrong,i’m not the kind of girl who gives up without a fight or some type of war but I wish it was as easy to refuel the energy as easy as I wish it or say it.

Yes there are those dreams that i have gotten close to and those that I have been able to achieve one way or another;such as this platform and one way or another these little accomplishments give me some type of hope that maybe its not too late and that its not too hard nor too far for the others to be achieved but despite this I feel some form of heaviness weighing down trying to deter me from this single ray of positivity and as much as I try not to focus on it,it is still there.



Photo by Josh Hild on Pexels.com

This must be the millionth time i’ve tried to put these thoughts together and probably they haven’t turned out as orderly as I intended them to;though i have I have to ask;have you ever felt out of touch with your dreams and did you feel the need to reconnect with them,how did you go about that?

love,vickie

FINAL REMINISCE……

Tomorrow is unpromised as much as today was yesterday and I have been thinking alot about my final thought,my final act and what my legacy will be.

Honestly,I don’t have answers to those questions yet and I don’t think I will ever have them but one thing I hope for is that I’ll have a second of two to look back at the footsteps of my life and conclude with a gasp ‘i’ve lived’.

That I’ll reminisce on all the jumps I made,all the walls and the runs,the tripping,the falling and the sinking.

That my heart will recall all the love I gave and the reciprocated affection as well as the hurt and the hate and appreciate it.

That my fingers will count the days I spent but they won’t run out,they’ll add up instead and continue running after me even when I’m gone.

And as my eyes draw towards the never ending sunset,I’ll have witnessed all my joy and my pain,all my happiness and my sorrow and raised a cup to each.

As these legs surrender their strength,their reserves will have trekked every plain,climbed mountains and kicked cave stones.With every step engraved in the sands of time.

And as the clocks ticks away beside me,I’ll have owned every second this world would have offered and I’ll gasp …..’i’ve lived’ …meaningfully,accordingly and maximally.

And like a bird I’ll float and fly away to the horizon…..

Love,Vickie 💞

Defence against defence

My hostility feelings could be burying you deep into the grounds of cruelty but they keep my emotional health thriving.

my deep thoughts could be drowning you deep into the cruel seas of disconnect but they keep me afloat on and off these turbulent times.

my piercing eyes could be tearing you to uncollectable pieces but they keep firm and stitch these paths of uncertainty that I tread upon.

my cold heart that rarely warms up to you but instead freezes you to numbness keeps alive the flicker of love and hope that has been put out a million times.

this back that is always turned to you making all your advances futile reminds that the past is all gone and the present is with me and the future ahead of me.

and whenever you propose we go anywhere these legs become immobile but for no particular reason they are ready to flee.

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